Pickles and Ice Cream? No thanks, I'm not that pregnant.

Once everyone is done asking me if I'm feeling pukey (and then telling me how lucky am I because when THEY were pregnant....), the next most popular question is about my cravings. Am I craving anything weird?

Sadly, the answer is no. I'm very disappointed about this. I was looking forward to sending Art out at 2 in the morning for licorice and individually wrapped cheese slices. If anything, I'm having anti-cravings. Things I used to love- like steak for God's sake- I don't want to get near! Sugary things don't agree with me now either. Halloween is coming and candy corn turns my stomach. October is ruined! I'm so glad I'm due early March. Hopefully I'll be back to normal by the time Easter Peeps come out. I didn't even want to finish my ice cream sundae the other day! The world has turned upside down! I don't even trust myself anymore.

What do I have to live for if not for food?

I can tell you what I have been living on- plain food. I'll admit I've never had much of an adventurous palate, but all I've been eating these days is cheerios and frozen pizza. The highlight of my week is school pizza. ("Friday was pizza day, the best day of the week....") Cardboard crust, and dab of flavorless sauce, and some cheese on top- yum! Add some overcooked green beans and I'm in heaven.

Art, on the other hand, thinks all this is great. He sees my new anti-steak and candy corn stance as proof that it is his child I'm carrying. I see it as a sign of things to come. All my picky eating habits are going to haunt me with a vengeance! I will have a four year old that's only going to eat the middle of chicken nuggets and plain cheerios without milk! But that's what I get for turning my nose up at my mom's cooking all my life. It's karma, baby!

It seems I look like crap

Where is my pregnancy glow? I've heard rumors about the beautiful skin, thick, shiny hair, and awesome nails pre-natal vitamins bestow on moms-to-be. Lies! How do I know I look horrible? Everyone keeps telling me!

Okay, the words "You look horrible" haven't come out of anyone's mouth... yet.

But every day people are telling me in so many little ways that pregnancy does NOT look good on me.

Here is what I hear all day. "Are you OK?" "Is everything all right?" "What's the matter?" "How are you feeling?" "You look tired." "You look really tired." "Are you feeling tired?" "You look peaked." AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

Guess what, I AM TIRED! You telling me I look tired doesn't make me less tired, nor does it help me in ANY WAY! Now, you may be thinking..... Oh, you're being too sensitive. People are just concerned... Okay, if you're concerned about me in my delicate condition here are the ways I would like you to express your concern:

• Have a seat.
• Let me get that for you.
• Here's some money.