I'm feelin' ya Jabba

Oh, what has become of me?

I'll tell you, I've turned into a fat ass! Damn it! The is the absolute opposite of the what I had envisioned for my pregnancy! (See previous rant for details.)

I went on a 6 mile hike with a friend yesterday, and it kicked my ass! Rowann and I were usually well matched in our walking stride and speed, but no longer. I was trailing, sweating, and half way through she suggested we stop and rest (so I must have looked like shit!) Damn it.

I will cut myself only the tiniest slice of slack in saying that I am in my 3rd trimester, so yes- I imagine that perhaps it should be a bit more difficult to go 6 miles. With that said.... if I'd been walking the way I should have been all this time, it would NOT have been that difficult. I am ashamed of myself! I know better. Instead of doing what I should be (and what I really hoped to do) I've used this condition as an excuse to sit on the sofa and stuff my face!

Early in this process my witty husband remarked, "Eating for 2? Well, neither of you is a sumo wrestler." Har, har, har. But if only I had taken his smart ass remarks to heart.....

Well, with only 1/3 of this journey left, I think it's finally time to choose the better path. Surely it's not too late. I can still reap the benefits of exercise (such as easier labor and quicker recovery). I just need to put the cookie down and lace up my sneakers. I CAN DO IT!

Note: Do NOT ask me what I did/ate today. I'm starting tomorrow.

Pregnant People Have Feelings Too!

NO! I'm NOT glad it's cold! (So stop asking and making corny jokes!)

And yes... I KNOW I'm lucky that I'm not going to be big during the summer. (Now leave me the hell alone!)

I'm super pissed. I normally love chilly weather, especially since I get so little of it here in the Sunshine State. But not this year.

Here's my problem: I have 3 pairs of pants and NO sweaters. I have 1 shirt with long sleeves. And I DON'T want to spend money on new clothes that I'll need on and off for maybe a month and a half. (I'm trying to save money here people!) All I've done is purchased a sherpa (not a Tibetan guide, but a hoodie). FYI: This is a men's sherpa in size 2x. (The XL just fit around me, so I figured I'd need some growing room.) THAT was a great feeling.

Alternate Reality

My dreams of Reality TV super stardom have been dashed! I love Reality TV, and while I'm too old for the Real World, not talented enough for American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance, and too picky to be a Top Chef, I was really hoping that I would win Survivor or The Amazing Race. (I think my brother Matthew would be the perfect partner. He's athletic, we're both smart and used to getting around places, and he's used to my crazy-bitchy-bossiness, so he wouldn't take it personally.)

But this week those dreams have come to an end. I had to get my gestational diabetes screening. I was told I'd have to drink some stuff and then get my finger pricked. LIES!

"Some stuff" turned out to be a soda can worth of orange gunk. I was told "You have 5 minutes to drink this." Ahhhhhh! The pressure! At first it was ok. It actually tasted like flat, orange soda. But about half way through, my sips got smaller and smaller. It was rough, but I made it. But WTF- if I can't drink flat, orange soda without choking it down, there is NO WAY I can even PRETEND like I'll be able to drink smashed up fish heads and milk. There is always an eating challenge on these shows- this year on the Amazing Race one team had to eat an entire goat's head (minus the skull) and there was a Chinese Food challenge that caused 2 people to hurl. Sigh. I'll have to get my 15 minutes of fame some other way.

PS) The "finger prick" was 2 vials of blood! Are they saving this stuff for me in case I need it later? Seriously, I don't know how much more I can bleed!

What's Up Doc?

Being pregnant involves many, many, MANY trips to the doctor. And they are such a PAIN IN THE ASS! Every four weeks I have to take time out of my schedule (mostly by leaving work early) to see my friendly, fab physician. Today I've been informed that I've been upgraded to visiting every TWO weeks. (Not because anything is wrong... just because that's how it goes.) YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE! I'm trying to save all my sick time for when I'm going to need it- for March & April so I can get paid for 2 months while I recover and learn how to mommy. I can't keep giving bits and pieces of it away before hand- especially for NOTHING!

Here is how a typical visit unfolds:

1) Wait in the waiting room watching Food Network for at least 15 minutes.

2) Get weighed. (Joy! I LOVE seeing THAT number go up! Grrrrrr.....)

3) Pee in a cup.

4) Get blood pressure taken. (At least that's always a good number.)

5) Listen to baby's heartbeat. (OK, that's pretty cool.)

6) Get asked if I have any questions.

7) Am given an order for blood work. (So I can waste even MORE time waiting around somewhere else! All the labs around here close at 3:30- so guess what, MORE time away from work! AND it means having to bail on my money-saving carpool!)

8) Leave.

HOW UNEVENTFUL! THIS IS WHAT I'M LEAVING WORK FOR?!?!?!?!

Needless to say, I'm pretty underwhelmed. I was expecting so much more from these visits. This can hardly be effective monitoring.

On the other hand, I'm VERY glad that I'm not getting something shoved up my hoo-ha every 5 minutes. I was quite concerned that pregnancy would mean I'd given the general public an all access pass to my vagina, but thankfully that hasn't happened yet. I must confess that I'm such a wimp when it comes to getting my girl parts checked. (I guess I better get over that, cause I hear delivery IS basically a public event.)

So, ruling out vaginal checks, I don't know what I'd add to the visit (perhaps regular ultrasounds). But I do know that this has gotten old....