Fat Pants

If I had known how comfortable maternity pants were, I'd have gotten knocked up years ago! I bought my first pair very early on- week 10 or so, because my pants just didn't feel comfortable. It was a depressing experience though. All the prego websites said I shouldn't be into maternity clothes that soon, so I realized that the tightness in my pants was not due to baby, but due to my own fat ass. But I was NOT going to by bigger pants. That would be admitting to the world that I was throwing all hope of diets to the wind, and it would ruin the fantasy bubble I had (and still have, really) that pregnancy will magically make me eat healthier and I will come out of these 9 months skinnier and healthier than ever! (STOP LAUGHING!)

SO, when I bought the pants, it was with teary eyes (and not tears of joy, people!). But I soon came to realize that these pants were the best article of clothing I'd purchased in YEARS! They sit low and have a kinda thick, soft, elastic waistband. Wow! It's like wearing pajama pants! And they're pajama pants you can wear in public- and not get weird looks! Since then I've gotten 2 more pairs.

I suppose this shouldn't be a shock. I didn't wear jeans until high school. I HATED the feel of denim. The waistbands were uncomfortable. The zippers pissed me off. I guess high school was the time when designers started dropping waistbands to hips so that (and crazy peer pressure) finally made them tolerable.

Now that I have a legitimate baby bump, I've taken the next step. I saw a pair of Capri jeans on sale. This is a staple of a Florida wardrobe. These jeans however, do not have the low, gentle waistband. I'm talking full-on pregnancy panel. Life-changing...... seriously, life-changing. Once again I'm a bit premature in this purchase (but I've always been an over achiever). I can actually pull the panel up over my boobs, so wearing them might be overkill- but that sure as hell isn't going to stop me! I'm pretty sure I will never wear regular pants ever again.

So guys, if you want to have a baby and your wife isn't playing along.... by her a pair of maternity pants! It could be an "accident." Say "What? They're maternity pants? I had no idea, I thought they'd be good for yoga." Or buy them, and cut out the Pea in the Pod tag. The point is- get her IN them. They'll be no turning back. OK, I realize the above scenario is unreasonable. A GUY tricking a GIRL into having a baby?!?!? HA! So ladies, if you are DYING to be a grandmother and your daughter isn't on board, I have a plan.... (see above).